Do we just sit around and wait for another genocide

Please see the video at the bottom first:

I think today in the media it would be pretty difficult to really understand the true meaning of genocide with words like terriorist that have been distorted. When i was much younger there was a genocide in Bosnia. i am not to sure of the history and i should probably change that, look into it a little more if i am going to mention it. If i am not mistaking President Clinton sent troops to aid The United Nations releif effort, The United States Military was present there for a few years. The New Oxford American Dictionary states this as the meaning of

Genocide:

nounthe deliberate killing of a large group of people, esp. those of a particularethnic group or nation.

My question is this: is this a United Nations problem or is it "The Keepers of the Free Worlds" job to regulate? The United States hides behind "good will" when it comes to our possible clapsing economy. This is speciffcally seen in Afghanistan and Irag currently, critics have surmsised oil dependencey among other necesities that make our economy run. Will the Obama Administration and he himself as our Comander and Chief take a stand Militarialy to protect human rights across the world? I do not speciffically belevie that violence in any form changes situations for the better, but in current state and history we like use our big weapons to promote peace. Our destructive weapon are more sanctified than your terrorist destructive weapons. Barack Obama claims to be a man and a leader that is for human rights. Currnently i beleive, it is safe to say he has only put a small bandaid on a lot of human rights issuses, he is a busy man. Where is congress?

"I am stuck on bandaide brand, Cause bandaides stuck on me"

We all know bandaides fall of unless you use something like duct tape or super glue to hold it on. i thought of this commerical and it made me laugh in light of this serious subject. Poking at the obbsurdity and irony of a little bandaide that covers something while the wound is still underneath, maybe healing, maybe not.

My guess is because so many of the consevative political religious rights are involved, the possibility of the law being passed in Uganda, the hateful intentions and plausible violience that can incure would and will go unpunished. There is a huge possibly of these American Terriorsts actions getting pushed under the rug and their contributions to the demise of other humans go unpunished. i do not know enough about The Family, but i do know one thing, if we sit back and do not raise our voices against this obsurd law there is a huge chance of passing in Uganda and there will be a genocide. The distruction of a people group, a people group who were born of the same wombs and mothers to which we are all connected. i want to take a stand and say that maybe it is ok not to completly understand a person who sees the world diffrent then ourselves, but to fear diffrence and act out in violence and abuse in reaction to an uncomfortabity in our heads is not right. Further more, the Jesus that was taught as a child would not appreciate the pain and suffering brought on to Yahwehs children across the world in His holy name.

I am calling for a movment to stop this before it starts. Write the President, Your Congress person, Your Senator, The United States ambassiidor to the United Nations and anybody else you think of.

Maybe it is obsurd to think about affecting somebody else government with ours and all the human rights inconsistencies, but then again it is the American way.

These are all possibilities still, the question is still raised, do we sit around and wait or do we do something?

Here is my Religious Political rant for the day, i hope that you will act.

Abuse is never ok, esspecially in the Name of Jesus Christ.

Its really christmas again

Nancey Botwin on the Showtime show Weeds, during season 5, is required by the Mexican drug cartel to manage a maternity store. There is a line in one of the episodes where she compares her life to when she was doing the drug smuggle, police evading, and the dirty money shuffling to her new life where she is in charge of a front for the Mexican drug cartel. There is a line where she describes going to work, taking her brain out of her head and placing it in the drawer below the cash register. She then goes on to describe how at the end of her work day she pick her brain back out of the drawer and places it securely back into her head at the end of the day, she then gets to think about her family again and the stresses of life.

This described my day today, I went to work, took my brain out, set it in the locker next to my cellphone, and placed my neatly folded cardigan on top of both of these precious commodities. At work I was working the dinning room which basically means busing tables and doing dishes, taking out the trash, and sweeping up the Cheerios that are ground into the carpet after the trendy mothers and their year old children who do not get to eat the delicious corporate factory food we serve get done with their meals. In my old life, last year at this time having to think solely on the dinning room would have been a waste of my middle management huge pay check (sarcastic evil laugh). It was nice to have a good handle on the job, knowing almost all the expectations that were expected and missing a few minor details which in my defense, it was only my second day in charge of keeping the dinning room clean during the lunch rush of black Friday 2009. In the end, i have a good handle on all my job duties already. These statements iare truly minuscule in the grand scheme of things. The best part is i am more a live and free comparatively to where i was a year ago. These are weird statements but make complete sense to me. I should describe them better but i will not.

While i left my brain in my locker it had adequate time to rest so that i can do the end of the semester fever rush to finish all the things i have avoided for the last few months. I also had the opportunity to think about why i have not been listening to country music, i forgot how it important it is for my soul.

Here is the christmas connection, they are playing christmas country music now that it is the day after Thanksgiving, even though most large corpoartions in neatly planned scheme to get their profits up before the end of the year have started celebrating our saviors birth the start of novemember. The Christmas Season seems convoluted to me and i might describe this latter, but i do enjoy songs like this which you can descide how you feel.

Going Home on a Sunday Afternoon

They were always the best. i would work from early in the morning to around 2 or 3 in the afternoon. Sundays where my favorite day. They were one of those days where you could get excited about the next week, the new guests, and get food prepped for them as much as possible for the incoming group. It was a good day because the stress of the weekend was almost gone and we could get the kitchen really clean, not the "oh let me scrub this wall and then make 80 pizza doughs 2 hours latter." This would inevitably happen, but not on Sunday, you could scrub every single wall and it would actually be clean for a full 16 hours before they were coated with droplets of tomato sauce and soiled again.

My true love for Sunday was after i finished work. i would go home and walk my big dog among the sequoias and sugar pines. i would smell the moist or the dry ground depending on the season. Then i would take a shower and put on nice cloths. Cloths that did not perpetually smell like old garlic or have grease stains running all down the front. Especially in the fall a button up shirt and a warm sweater, nice pants, and a pair of my favorite shoes. i would then get in my car and go "home" (this was only to bass lake, not Fresno). There was a freedom on a Sunday afternoon driving into Oakhurst, maybe the weight of all the things that where weighing on my mind would release and the true beauty of all the people and the life around me would be revealed. Home was Lily's house. It was not really my home, i did not pay rent there, though maybe i should have. i was certainly there more often then not. On my way to her house i would pick up the Sunday New York Times. My favorite issue of the whole week because of all the extras it included like the magazine or the style section, also my very favorite section the wedding announcements. i would roll down my window and drive as close the box where the newspaper was housed, about 5 miles from the camp where i lived and worked. The cool afternoon air would brush against my warm arm and i would grab the newspaper and hug it like a child and his security blanket. i love the smell, the feel of the newsprint, and the sound of the pages turning of the paper. The weight of the newspaper always felt like the perfect weight, not to light and not to heavy, but more heavy then light. At this point i would call Lily and she would start a pot of coffee. She worked Sunday mornings too and Sunday afternoon were always lazy but very rejuvenating. i would drive down the beat up road deep into the woods. The roads were narrow and there were always crazy dogs that would chase the car. Just as soon as you thought the croaked road was going to end somewhere deep in the magic backwoods of Dorstan Drive you would approach a dead end and a magical house.

The newspaper and i would make are way up the stairs to open the front door, we would smell the coffee brewing. We would pour ourselves a cup of coffee and then Lily and i would get intimate with our lover, The New York Times, Sunday edition. She would read the national news section and the week in review. i would start with the magazine and then read the travel pages. We would read the marriage announcements and discuss what really thought of the people getting married. Were they announceing their marriages for status, an old family tradition, or if they were really in love? We always omitted the sports and business section because even if either of us wanted to be interested there was no way that would ever happen. Those sections where tossed aside in some sorted form of abuse. i suppose, we are all human and even with our deepest loves we have the potential and often times hurt portions of our loved ones even if we do not intend too. We would then switch sections and chat about the things of interest we read in our sections.

Some times we would make dessert or have a slice of cake leftover from some church function earlier that day. There is somethings incredible about three or four o'clock in the afternoon with a cup of coffee and slice of cake. If you practise this religiously, i do declare and believe that the calories from the cake do not apply to your waist line, only at this time of the day. There is something in the setting Autumn sun and the glow radiating from the oak leaves. So maybe plant an oak tree so you too can participate in the magic and pleasure our lord has given us in the simplicity of life in these moments.

i think "home" for myself really has nothing to do with a location. Its really the people, the safety and the comfort you find in another person or people that are near to you. There are few to many connections we make with people on a deep level. Anymore, with technology and social networking, even this blog, we use to connect with people but we really do not. Human beings that you trust to share the intimate things of life with is where we really find connection. These do not happen enough, there is something about a broken world where we choose not to connect because the vulnerability and probability that another person will cause more pain then good in our lives. i think i will always strive to find the line and balance of these opposite corresponding ideas. i still find this hard for myself and i am writing this to myself first before i present it to you.

The world to a mid twenties kind of person is confusing because everybody is looking for some sort of family structure. Most 20 somethings find this with their friends and the people they choose to surround themselves with. This really is more true to the 20 somethings who do not have a committed intimate connection with a partner. The family structure of close friends is where i found "home" for myself in the last few years in 4th of July celebrations, dinner get togethers, and more specifically the mundane routine of a Sunday afternoon. In an event driven life these things evoked "home".

he said until i stopped beleveing him

"It never ceases to amaze me how people who profess to be Christian can be so un-Christian"

quoted from towleroad.com in an article about marriage equality vote in Maine, it did not pass.

This quote, I found on the nations largest gay men's blog. This quote I could not specifically say who said it now but, it was in regards to the election results in Maine a few weeks ago pertaining to referendum 1. This was a marriage equality act that would have made LGBT United States citizens of the state of Maine, more closely equal to the rest of the citizens who do not have to worry about the automatic things that come to the heteros out there.

After reading this quote in the context of the article I found the quote "It never ceases to amaze me how people who profess to be Christian can be so un-Christan" to be so ironic after hearing these sames words coming from a completely different voice. The irony kills me inside, only vaguely, I am only stronger for it now.

Week in and out for the better part of the last two years and some months I would hear this same statement made. I suppose with good intention, this was only for a while, the good intention wore off and evoked of a cow who magically get hits by a truck and then venturing back to the same street to get hit once again by a different car. The cow is clearly dazed after the first time being hit, out of it, slightly injured, but not dead. It gets hit a second time, and it is clearly injured, maybe even borderline of dying at this point, there is a good chance it would still be alive until the next time it gets hit by a car. I suppose this all has to do with the speed and mass of the cow and vehicles, really unimportant to the picture I am trying to paint. From the mouth of this person this statement was condemning and pointed, maybe to inspire people to become a "Better Christian". Was the statement "Christian"? It did not really make me want to be a better christian.

In the article on towleroad.com. The quote is from a mans speech after finding out that Referendum 1 was not passed. This speech was in sad defeat. He was wondering where the love of our Lord Jesus Christ was in a vote like this. I wonder this myself. His plea was is despiration. Was his statement "Christian"?

both of these small stories have the same message with different intents. Who is right? I may never march in the infantry...shoot the artillery, zoom over the enemy...but i am in the Lords army, yes sir. As much as we may not want it religion has always been separate but always a big part of government. We see this with "christian political organizations" like, Focus on the Family, The Christian Coalition, and The Moral Majority. Who is really the "Better Christian"? Maybe the question is; who can make themselves more powerful, and thats how to be the best christian? From pointed to desperate plea, are both these men professing to be christian and both being equally un-christian? I would like to be the judge, as we all do, declare one right and the other so wrong they are sentenced to hell, I am not the judge and i will not judge. I will be confused and disappointed until i find the answers to these questions.

With in our holy cannoned scriptures we so desperately long for black and white and right and wrong. On one side of the book God calls Israel to kill in His name on the other side of the book Jesus says to turn the other cheek. I do not think the black and white exist, gray on the other hand does.

I still find it hard to believe the first man and for this I am very sorry.

How about Ke$ha, she will always cheer you up

Cube steaked bliss

I, i feel raw

from just around the back side of my esophagus

creeping down the backs of my lungs

snaking around and encompassing my kidneys

cats tongue files up my spine

Resting underneath my shoulder blades

industrially tenderized

cube steak

How do you give?

Where do you go to?

Who is hungry?

Who is cold?

How are her children?

Does the gutter embrace them?

A cube steak would taste nice

He says

Blessed are the widow and child

I say

reach out your hand to mine

He says

Give your coat if any should ask

I say

I need some healing

He says

Faith like a mustard seed moves mountains

I say

heal my wounds

salvage this cube steak

kiddie pools and Ice Cream cones

Looking back on this year I have spent a lot of time thinking about how persons close to me would react. I would run situations through and through in order to hopefully foresee all the possibilities and all the reactions I assumed I would get. I was afraid and feel a little awful assuming that all my close loved ones who I shared the news with would some how withdrawal from our relationship. I am mad at myself for thinking so poorly of the people who do not think poorly of me at all. I am mad at this culture we grow and raise our children in.

On Monday I went to the IRS's office in Fresno County. I did not really know what to expect. I went because I needed a document that proved to a potential employer that I had in fact done my culinary school internship where I had said that I done it. It was a really nice building , I was pleasantly surprised. Either way, before I got inside I had put money in the parking meter giving myself one hour and 15 minutes. I thought this would be a sufficient amount of time to do the errand I had planned on doing at the "Internal make our country run administration". A day before one of my most important friends had said that we where due to talk. As I put the money in the meter I knew that he would be calling soon. It seems as soon as I start somethings that requires a specific limiting amount of time somebody important want to communicate. This happens also when somebody calls me on the telephone. There seems to be a psychic signal that goes out to the universe and says to at least one other important person in my life should call at that exact moment. This is never a problem, or a great problem to have in my mind, but in contrast to the entire day where I will not receive a call before and sometimes after that for the whole of the day. Anyway, as my assumption was right the call I was expecting came in. It was my dear friend Eric who I had not spoken to in at least a month.

I was anxious because I had tired to muster up the courage two times before this moment to share with him the important event that had taken place in my life. I originally wanted to tell him in person. I thought it would be more meaningful but at this point it was too late. The weekend twice previous to this current Monday was the Human Rights Campaign's National Coming Out Day which also coincided with The National Marriage Equality March in Washington DC. with all the impulsiveness the pours so freely from the dendrites of my neurons I had to show my new welcomed community support. I thought it would be important to claim the day for all the years that I despised my very existence and for all the my brothers and sisters who have gone through the same interior strife. I donated my Facebook picture and profile status to the cause adorning anybody who was to look at my profile and anybody who was lucky to have my communications on their mini feeds with a rainbow . It was very empowering. The only regret I had was that I had not told Eric, he had been the most influential and permanent relationship that I have maintained since the summer we both graduated from high school. At this point I was more worried that he would run across what I had written and be hurt that I had left out this very important detail.

Our conversation was very normal, we went over both of our important life details that we would not have known in the previous month that we had not communicated. As in any good story or conversation there is always a beginning, a middle, and an end. We had reached what you would consider the end and I knew that it was time. So I told him. I was not really worried what he thought because I knew somewhere deep in my soul that since he has known me so well he already had some idea. For all intents and purposes and not having the ability to continue to communicate for both of our time constraints got in the way. I believe he already knew. In this closing part of this conversation I remember telling him that in all the time I was closeted I had wished somebody would have told me that I was gay so that it would not have eaten up so much of my life up to this point. He replied that it was really something you do not tell a person. Looking back on my feeble attempt to live in patriarchal and straight life if I were told I was gay and I would be so offended (this statement needs its own post to be talked about latter).

There was one common things I heard when I began to fully embrace who my creator made me to be and outed myself. The most common thing I heard in many humorous ways and some more serious ways is that people had some previous idea of the matter. In these instances there was my sister one of closest confidant's who repeatedly hit her husband saying, "I told you why did you not tell me," repeating herself at least eight times. The more steady and serious reaction had by most would say, "Oh yeah I already knew."

All of these times I recall to be very freeing and was very glad to have shared myself with all of these people. I remember in at least a few of these times telling the person that I had wished that somebody would have told me so it did not have to sit in a kiddie pool of turmoil seemingly helpless with a ice cream cone where the scoops of ice cream had falling off into the discord. I had wished another person to tell me that I was gay. Eric and many others were completely right in saying that it was not their place say it. I completely agree. I cannot recall in the many years of my straight delusion people communicating that it was alright and even if they did I did not hear them. I still wish somebody would have said to me was that it was alright to be gay.

new favorite song:

Commodification of Queerness

I am doing a project for my journalism class on how the gay characters commodified in the media. These characters are subordinate and are placed on television as an accessory to the heterosexual. This positioning supports the ideal the lgbt people are less than. The essay that I am basing my research from is by Laura Stempal. She compares the show Queer Eye for the Straight Guy and the showtime hit drama Queer As Folk. On network TV the queer has to be wrapped up real pretty for all of the straight people, so they are not offended and if perhaps the show is too gay its put on premium cable channels. Well anyway this video cracked me up and proves the point almost perfectly.